why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
