so that wasnt chicken after all
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
