I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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