If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
