just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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