hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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