I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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