You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
