They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
