Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
