who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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