Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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