I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
