It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
