You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
