I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My life is pants optional.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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