Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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