were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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