im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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