I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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