when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
