It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
