On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
