Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
