I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
