That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she pinky promised me she was 18
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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