Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
