My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
