I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
