Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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