I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
