What a fucking waste of an outfit
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
