i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
