last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
