I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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