life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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