We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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