they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
