Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize