weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
