Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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