his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
