Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
