he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
