I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
