He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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