i dont even know how to be here
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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