i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
