Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
