So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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