A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
