i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
