homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
