How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
