i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
