She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
