please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
