All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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