so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
