ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
