paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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