no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's always time for handjobs
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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