he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
