I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
