if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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