You're a womanizer and a bitch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
