problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
This girl is more easily done than said...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
