I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
