it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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