meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
