And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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