You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
