why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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